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The other party was an old ex-whaler named Edward Lessard and his son, Joseph. The two of them seem to have taken their inspiration from a comic routine by future cartoon-voice wizard Mel Blanc, who at the time was a young comedian on “The Hoot Owls” radio show on KGW. Mel hatched the idea of getting Jimmy McCool to pretend to give him lessons in harpooning. It was played for big laughs live on the air. But it appears to have given Lessard an idea, because the next day he commissioned a blacksmith to forge for him a pair of special barbed harpoon heads, based on the designs of the weapons he’d helped use as a youth on sperm whales on deep-sea whaling cruises. And on October 24, at 7:30 a.m., just as the pieces were about to fall into place for the Humane Society and Jantzen Beach to effect a rescue, Lessard and his son beat them to it. In a chartered motorboat, they approached the whale — and skewered it. “It was the quickest killing I ever made,” the elder Lessard boasted to the Oregonian’s reporter, who described his demeanor as “apparently thrilled.” “Usually it takes half a day or a day to kill a whale. This one was dead as a doornail in less than five minutes.” The problem was, he couldn’t find his prize. It had sunk to the bottom of the slough. While Lessard was waiting for the men he’d hired to search for the carcass, a representative of the Portland Chemical Company offered to pay to have the whale embalmed and put on display if the proceeds would be sent to the Community Chest. Lessard “shifted uneasily on his wet perch on the dock,” the Oregonian reports. “’Nix,’ he said glumly. ‘It’s my dead whale.’” But before he could collect his prize, the cops showed up. The Humane Society had sworn out a warrant for the arrest of both Lessards. Despite Edward’s protests that his cousin, an attorney, had assured him there was no law against inland whaling, the two of them were trucked off to the hoosegow. And while they were so occupied, a crew of interlopers slipped in, located the carcass, and took possession of it. They got hold of it just in time to put it on display during the Pacific Livestock Exhibition and charge admission to see it. By the time the Lessards were out of jail, the exhibition was over, and all the locals who’d wanted to see the whale had done so. The Oregonian joined virtually the entire city in celebrating the “poetic justice” of this development: The Lessards had spent hundreds of dollars on their whale hunt, and someone else had reaped the reward they’d hoped to gain. It was at some point after this that the Lessards apparently moved to St. Helens. It’s at least possible that they did so because of how unpopular and unwelcome the whale incident had made them in Portland. But all attempts to prosecute the Lessards failed. There just weren’t any laws on the books governing inland whaling, and so by engaging in it, they hadn’t broken any. But that didn’t mean they could keep their prize, and the state of Oregon moved immediately to seize the whale — kicking off an eight-year legal squabble over Ethelbert’s mortal remains. Finally the Oregon Supreme Court decided in favor of the state. But then, having realized what limited utility there is in a dead whale pickled in embalming fluid, the state offered to let the Lessards have it if they’d pay court costs. They did, and so for $103, the Lessards finally got clear title to Portland’s whale. And that’s how the unfortunate long-dead sea creature ended up in a rusty tank full of embalming fluid at the Lessard house, where it sat forgotten for ten years before its mounting aroma brought it back to official attention. This time, though, the proceedings were far less dramatic, and by the end of the week, the poor whale’s long-suffering bones were resting peacefully six feet below.
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